Hold onto your caps and gowns seniors, because WCHS is about to turn the dial on graduation stress. The administration is putting seniors through lie-detector tests to confirm that everyone has truthfully passed their graduation requirements before the end of the school year. Who knows what kinds of secrets these tests might uncover?
“Let’s just say I haven’t done a single assignment since AI dropped,” WCHS senior Chad G. Peetee said. “I’m cooked.”
Unfortunately for Peetey and many other unsuspecting seniors, these newly administered tests will gradually catch all students who have yet to honestly earn their transcript grades, Student Service Learning (SSL) hours, etc. In other words, the prestigious legacy and high reputation of WCHS will face an imminent decline.
“Sure, we might plummet our graduation rates by 80% and high school rankings by 600 places, but we are willing to utilize these tests for some sort of increase in student discipline and integrity, which are two things that have been lacking heavily at WCHS in recent years,” WCHS Assistant Principal On’esty Iznumbawon said. “I wonder, have you ever faked any interviews?”
The reactions from staff have been generally positive. Many teachers are rooting for these lie-detector tests with specific students in mind.
“I know darn well half of ‘em kids ain’t gonna graduate, and I’m fine with that,” WCHS AP Western U.S. History teacher Ima Caoboi said. “It’s high noon, Chad. Hehe.”
Caoboi’s prediction is probably not far off. However, many staff members like him fail to consider the possible damage to the school’s status and ranking with these lie detector tests. WCHS Observer Instagram polls estimate that 97% of seniors do not consent to these mandatory lie detector tests.
“My lawyers gotta lock in because there is no chance a security guard is going to hook me up to a lie detector test – I mean, how else do you expect me to secure my Oxford acceptance,” WCHS senior LeGussy Baby said. “I could also just slip him a fifty right before.”
The administration has begun randomly pulling seniors out of class and conducting lie detector tests, and the rage among parents and students toward the school has only been rising. Many community members are protesting to pressure the administration to change their policy. Very few have nothing to worry about. Then, there is the group of people who accept the inevitability of these lie-detector tests and devise strategies to beat them.
“At the end of the day, I know that I could face multiple criminal charges times for the lack of truthfulness throughout my high school career, and that is exactly why I am determined to find a way to pass my polygraph test,” WCHS senior Mannie FeLonnies said. “Some players land on high ground. Others have to build up to it.”
