Many years from now, when all of us are long gone, historians of Montgomery County will look back on the first few months of 2025 and unequivocally declare it the setting of the greatest travesty in maybe the entire history of the human race ever. WCHS junior Maximus Wang lost an election to be a nominee for the next MCPS Student Member of the Board (SMOB), an election that was clearly rigged from the get-go. This article speaks for literally everyone in the history of forever, including notable figures like George Washington and Gandhi, in calling for an official recount of the ballots because everyone knows those voting machines (Chromebooks) are inaccurate and everything was rigged against me from the start.
For starters, the votes were conducted through a ranked-choice system, which everyone knows is laughably unreliable. Ranked-choice voting means you have to vote for multiple candidates, when there was only one true option: me. Even beyond that, the votes were clearly rigged, because Maximus Wang did not win 100% of all the votes, including the first, second, and third place ones. Because he’s practically multiple people all at once, it makes sense that he should win all the votes.
“I think Max is simply the best grown adult man in that auditorium, and he should have won every vote, no contest,” Waximus Mang, a completely unrelated WCHS junior, said. “Clearly every single delegate there was an android being secretly controlled by the lizard people and their alien overlords.”
Frankly, I think the election was rigged in the most blatant way possible. I mean, you can just see everywhere that paper ballots were being discarded on the side of the road and some people were voting twice, even dead people! I watched a 1300 year-old grandma get wheeled in to vote, and it was so sad how they were puppeteering her. I bet she was not even an MCPS student! It really is just ridiculous the lengths they went to, making sure I did not win, all because I am literally omniscient and know everything, just like Gandhi.
“I have never met anybody that loves oranges that much,” WCHS junior Jlapximus Crang said. “Honestly, if you like oranges you are probably just a good person.”
The only way the election would have been fair is if every ballot came preloaded with Maximus Wang’s name on it, and nobody was allowed to change their vote. Better yet, there should have never been any kind of “campaign” or any kind of “election.” In truth, it should have been a coronation if anything. Even had he not run any campaign at all he should have won, and the election was just stolen right from the grasp of the rightful victor, just like Gandhi.
“Everyone should have voted for Max either way,” WCHS junior Schaximus Dghrang said. “He could accidentally hit me with a car and I would still vote for him. All those hundreds and hundreds of votes? It should have been a crazy landslide. What vile lizards would rig the election like this?”
In conclusion, I am the perfect person.
“I am the perfect person.” I said.
