As the greatest detective of all time, I monologue about myself often enough in real life: about my abnormally high intelligence, my incredible deductive skills, my mesmerizing British accent… Therefore, I shall instead speak about the wonderful educators at this glorious academic institution via letters to certain teachers from whom I’ve had the pleasure and privilege of learning.

Dear Mr. Kim, Thank you for teaching me to interpret literature in completely different ways. I now know the four keywords of analysis are white, death, winter and apple. I shall forever ponder the exact definition of “dog,” and I will never be able to see Hamlet as a boy again. Also, I thank you kindly for reading my future. Someday, when I am comfortably established in my non-teaching career, with my husband (who is at least four years older than me) and my 2.5 kids (since the adopted one apparently doesn’t count), I will stop by and tell your current students that you really are psychic, and you’re reading their minds. Right. Now.

Dear Mr. Sanz, Band—I mean, Wind Symphony—has been a truly amazing part of my life. You’ve been my teacher for four out of the nine years of my musical career, and every day in class has been worth it. Our annual trips—Atlanta, Puerto Rico, Disney—have been unforgettable, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to visit those places again, because they are experiences that’ll be extremely hard to beat. I promise to audition for the musical ensembles in college, and thanks for letting me write that story about Cole! And I guess I might as well tell you who made that giant card when he was born two years ago…

Dear Mr. Schilling and Ms. John, Thank you for letting Book and me eat lunch in your room almost every single day for the last two-and-a-half years. It’s nice to have a table-like surface to place my complicated lunchboxes. Above all, though, we loved the opportunity to get to know you both better. Lunchtime just won’t be the same without you. After all, where else will we be able to eat, receive life-changing advice and watch sneak previews of “West Wing” or plug in Spirited Away at the same time? And not all teachers would humor me as I walked around the school with a Santa hat and giant Santa gift bag.

Dear Mr. Pulliam, I never thought I would like Psych so much, but it’s ended up being one of my favorite classes in all my 13 years in the public school system. I’ve enjoyed it so much that I’m seriously contemplating majoring in Psychology, even though I was convinced for years that I would end up majoring in English. Thank you for being one of the best teachers I’ve ever had, and thank you for being a fan of Midnight Writers! I’ll make sure the newficers keep delivering your monthly copy next year. And thank you for helping me out whenever I needed an interview from you for Journalism. You’re a very good interviewee.

Dear Mr. Forney, Thank you for making history fun and for giving me so many opportunities to play Churchill Squares. I do wish we’d managed to come up with a nickname for me, though… Well, you did popularize “Jess.” Before last year, only a handful of people called me that. I sometimes get called “Jess Lee” now. Anyway, most of all, thank you for that lesson on capoeira. If it weren’t for those slides in your Brazil PowerPoint, I would never have discovered the amazing martial art that is capoeira. I would also like to thank you for your help in getting me admitted to a certain academic institution in North Carolina.

Dear Mrs. Perrett, I also thank you kindly for writing me a letter of recommendation. Did you know you’re the only English teacher I’ve ever had for more than one semester? And I didn’t even have you during the same school year. But I digress. Thank you for always supporting my writing, inside and outside class, and for indulging my Greek mythology obsession. I hope you don’t mind if I continue invading your classroom during the Odyssey unit should my college breaks be fortunately timed. There is nothing I enjoy more than forcing helpless sophomores to share my love for classical myths.

Dear Sra. Steele, You have been the best sponsor any Churchill club could hope for. You’ve helped us out with pizza sales. You’ve read all 16 magazines we’ve published in the last two years. You’ve rearranged your own schedule in order to accommodate our meetings. You’ve made countless trips to the business office so we could more easily handle and transfer our funds for our club transactions. Without your support, Midnight Writers would not be the same, and I would not be leaving high school with as many cherished, poignant memories. Someday, when I make Midnight Writers a global association/magazine, I’ll make sure to tell everyone it was you who helped us onto the path to world domination.

Dear Mrs. Knarr, Words cannot express how grateful and thrilled I am that you were my Journalism teacher for these last few years. But I’ll try. Thank you for always having something positive to say about my ideas and stories. Thank you for being patient whenever I pester you with questions. Thank you for encouraging me to explore my writing abilities beyond being a reporter, because otherwise I would never have submitted my writing to those contests, and I would never have realized that people objectively appreciate and like my work. Most of all, thank you for being one of the most open-minded and understanding teachers in this school. It’s because you treat every student equally and fairly that I was unafraid—excited, actually—to enroll in Journalism again after my year off, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. And if Maddie ever wants to take up a musical instrument, I know a good clarinet tutor…